Healing thoughts from the trail...

I was teaching and leading an online guided meditation on different ways to connect with nature and someone said in the chat that nature is unconditional. I  actually got a little emotional and said an enthusiastic "yes" because it rang so true with my experience too.

It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’ve done, or where you’ve been; a connection to nature is unconditional. All you have to do is get out there and notice and you will inevitably be filled with wonder, beauty, awe, happiness, and joy! Think of a beautiful sunset. It produces joy without condition for everyone who stops and notices it.

The love that the world gives, on the other hand, tends to be way more conditional. The message the world coveys to us is, “you will be loved when you ______” (fill in the blank). But, there is a Love that is unconditional, and even though it can be a bit subjective, it’s the same Love we connect with in nature. This Love is both given and received and all you have to do is be a willing participant.

So, how do we escape or transcend the world of conditional love and come back home to unconditional love?

1_Give love, acceptance and compassion

I have found that one of the most freeing and healing things I can do is give love, compassion and acceptance to the self, or as Richard Rohr likes to call it, the “separate self.” (The true self is the connected self) My separate self wants to run the show through my ego which can be quite persuasive and leads to a shallow negative existence if it’s given the reins of my life. The separate self tries to connect with means that are temporary, and ultimately fails in helping me to transcend negativity and experience the unconditional love that my heart is seeking. Once I become aware of my ego's intentions the next helpful step isn't to give into it, but to let it go and be open to Love. Some people even tell themselves that they are loved and this can be extremely helpful too.*

2_ Ask: What is my intention?

I also find it helpful to ask, "what is my intention?" when I feel misaligned and therefore in the trance of the separate self. Or to put it more simply, “why am I doing this?” Often the answers that surface are quite profound, like I realize I am feeling lonely, afraid, or frustrated which can have their roots in deep wounds from the past and I am trying to numb those feelings with a handful of lime tortilla chips that taste amazing, but aren’t the ultimate answer to feeling lonely.

3_ Ask: Who’s doing the talking?

It also REALLY helps to transcend negativity or "looking for my true self in the world of conditional love” by asking:

• Who’s doing the talking?
• Who’s telling me to reward myself by eating more chips, or checking social media for the twentieth time today?
• Who's telling me I need to find my identity in what I do, what other people say about me, or having control over others?
• Is it the true self? Does the true self want or need these temporary fixes?

(Pause) 

The obvious answer is, “‘no,’ it’s not the true self” and what often follows that answer for me is what I consider a holy void. It’s an emptiness and silence which I think is a connection with the Divine. As Thomas Keating says, “silence is the language of God.” It doesn’t last long, but in the few seconds that it does last there is no negativity and often there is a release from the desire to do whatever the separate self was wanting to do.

I also find asking self inquiry questions like these to be a helpful tool in my tool kit when I am annoyed, or in a negative spiral of frustration or angst. Instead of giving into the annoyance, for example, through complaining, blaming, frustration, or judgement (negativity), I ask "who's doing the talking?" and then pause and rest in the space that is created.

(Pause) 

4_ Focus

A shift happens when I change my focus to the true self instead of the separate self. The shift is almost automatic like changing the channel on the TV. The metaphor breaks down though because it is like the mind has its own remote and changes the channel back to the negative one, so it takes practice and turning the channel to the true self over and over again before it becomes embodied in me.

5_ Go home and find rest

In Henri Nouwen's book The Life Of the Beloved he very convincingly and powerfully explains that as children of God, which he believes we all are, unconditional love is our birth right and all we need to do is go home to the place where we are loved unconditionally.**

It's like the prodigal son waking up far from home and realizing he doesn't belong in the world of conditional love, so he heads home where his Dad is waiting for him with open arms. The Dad puts new shoes on him, gives him a ring and new clothing that all signify that he is part of the family, and doesn't even want to hear the son's apology for taking his inheritance and leaving for the conditional world. He's now home where he is loved unconditionally.

I know it's a fictional story, but imagine how relieved the son must have been to come home and be unconditionally accepted after being in such turmoil and hitting bottom far from home. It's been my experience that really deep and true homecomings are a gift. We can do our part by doing what we can to get in the way of grace.There is a direct route to unconditional love and that is to simply make the choice to accept it and rest in your identity as someone simply loved by God. Full stop.

(Pause) 

May we be given the grace to wake up, return home and experience the unconditional love that awaits all of us.

In process,

Rod

FOOTNOTES

*A great book on the subject of affirming that you love yourself is "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" by Kamal Ravikant

**The Life Of the Beloved. I also highly recommend Henri Nouwen's reflections on Rembrant's painting shown above in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming