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Thoughts from the trail...
How to be happy...
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh
The happiest countries in the world
Dr. Jeffrey Sachs, one of the co-authors of an annual report on the general happiness of countries around the world defines happiness as “satisfaction with the way one’s life is going.” He and his organization have also identified five criteria that contribute to the happiness of a country and they are:
- GDP per capita (making enough money makes you happy!)
- healthy life expectancy
- freedom to make life choices
- social support
- generosity
- the absence of corruption
For more on the World Happiness Report see this excellent video: “Why Finland and Denmark are happier than the US“ from CNBC’s make it https://youtu.be/6Pm0Mn0-jYU
The science of letting go
For a long time people in recovery anecdotally knew that letting go worked, but now, with scientific discoveries during the past 20 years or so, science is showing us that this type of letting go rewires our brains and leads to increased “sanity and serenity” as long as we practice it consistently. It’s a “gentle path” that works and leads to a greater measure of happiness. (1)
Here are several thoughts that came to me about happiness as I was walking...
Happiness on tap
There is a deep inexpressible feeling of happiness that is on tap when you make the decision to just be present. I think it’s a gift that’s available to all of us if we just take the time to practice awareness. When you are present to life, and the beauty of life, in particular, happiness and gratitude naturally emerge and then the feeling spills over into your day.
Do the work
It’s not a lot of fun, but some of the happiest people I know, and people that I really respect are people who have done some deep work on themselves to remove the blockages of the things that keep them from being happy.
You were created for joy and that joy is within you, but sometimes it takes doing a little bit of junk removal to get there.
Don’t take life so seriously
I am reminded as I ponder this to not take life so seriously. I have a natural bent to take life seriously, but I have found that awareness and naming what I am doing i.e. "taking life too seriously" are steps I can take that lead to feeling happier.
On top of that, you can ask yourself questions like:
- Is this really that serious, or is it just your thoughts that are telling you that it is?
- And the question that gets you back to your true self is, who is the one that is taking this so seriously? Is it the voice of your true self? Who’s doing the talking?
Traffic is a great teacher
I find that how I respond to traffic is a great teacher. Twice in the past week, we have gone over to a good friend's house during the summer heatwave that recently hit British Columbia to sit by the river that goes past the backyard of their house. During the first quarter of the drive, there are lots of red lights and it can be pretty frustrating as people (including me) scramble for position, or race to beat the red lights.
On these drives, as we enter the fray I have recognized my immediate frustration and I have reminded myself out loud with Kathleen beside me that it's not a race especially in this case when we’re heading somewhere to just hang out and relax, and there is no pressure to arrive at a certain time. My mind is causing stress and is identified with how fast I can get there. Awareness helps me to chill.
Acceptance
For me, acceptance is one of the keys to happiness. That said, accepting ‘what is' is an extremely hard thing for me at times. I am constantly comparing and wanting more instead of being content and satisfied with what is. When I manage to open my eyes to what is instead of getting caught up in comparison or what I lack, then I usually realize that I have so much to be grateful for. If I take it a step further and practice appreciation, I often have a breakthrough to happiness.
Here is a meditation I did on acceptance. Acceptance Meditation
Addicted to being down
With all of the bad news in the world, it’s easy to forget to be grateful for your existence. There’s so much beauty in the world and it gets covered up by the constant bombardment of negativity and compulsive thinking.
Plus, I think many of us are addicted to being down. It’s the only way I can explain why people watch hours and hours of news programs and don't do the work that it takes to make themselves and the world a better place. The so-called news agencies know what they’re doing. Bad news gets people to watch and when people watch they can sell advertising that promotes the illusion that consuming their products will make you happy. News has become entertainment, manipulation, and self serving.
What about suffering?
We all suffer. Suffering is a part of life. Nevertheless, there is a form of suffering that we are responsible for and can do something about and that is all the ways that we create negativity in our own lives primarily from medicating ourselves with things that we hope will make us happy, but are at best temporal and will never make us truly happy. Stop it!
Live in alignment with your values
Personally, I feel miserable when I am not in alignment with my values. It takes work to align with my values and it can sometimes be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. It’s so easy to get pulled in so many different directions and give in to different distractions and temptations, but values provide focus and the awareness of what’s really important to me and that helps to inform my actions and move in a direction that gives meaning to my life.
It’s helpful to have a goal
It might just be my personality, but as I look back on my life some of the happiest times in my life were times were when I was in pursuit of a goal and consistently took the necessary action to achieve it. I have experienced this in both sports and business. One of the most gratifying times in my life was when I was in pursuit of a business goal, and I listened to my mentors and did what they said. There were some other fortuitous factors that emerged in pursuit of the goal I am thinking about, but I never would’ve known that and been able to leverage those unless I went for it!
Focus
Your happiness has a lot to do with what you focus on, doesn't it? I don’t want to ignore the suffering that goes on in the world and so I want to say that it’s good to listen, understand and "mourn with those who mourn." At the same time, I don’t want the suffering of the world and my own suffering to be the total focus of my life.
A friend once said to me during a conversation years ago when I was really struggling that part of my difficulty in life was that I was addicted to being down. At first, I had a hard time seeing that and believing that to be true, but eventually, I did, and when I finally did it was a wake-up call. It continues to be something that I think about to this day.
The first step in breaking free from any addiction is just to admit that you have a problem. So I admit that I'm addicted to being down. Of course, there are many other steps to breaking free of addiction, 12 of them in fact 🤓, but for the purposes of brevity, I want to suggest that two of the most helpful ways to not give in to the addiction of being down are 1) focus on being grateful and 2) make the choice and take action on the things that you have the power to take action on that will help you live a beautiful, happy life.
If you sense some resistance to to admitting you have a problem and taking action, I’m going to suggest that you might be just like me and it’s the addict talking to you and doing what it can to keep you down. Ignore the addict! Take action!
What makes you happy?
Do that!
I have a good friend who is a coach and he helps people deal with their feelings of unworthiness. He believes that this is often the core issue when it comes to not doing the things that will make you happy and living a more fulfilling life. I know you don’t need my permission, but I want to invite you to do the things that make you happy and don’t let anything get in the way, like feelings of unworthiness. You are worthy of a fulfilling and happy life. Go for it!
Happiness is an “inside job.”
The sooner I realize and let go of my external programs for survival, esteem, and control (ego), and open myself up to Love, the sooner I will experience true happiness and joy. This letting go is at the heart of my spiritual practice, and all great spiritual practices, and is something I try to do every day, and very often all day. I have found that I am programmed to do just the opposite, which is to put my hope in external attachments hoping that they will make me happy. This is the very definition of addiction; putting your hope in things that you know won’t give you lasting happiness and doing them anyway, and the core practice of breaking free of addiction is letting go of the habits that you become aware of that don’t serve you anymore. (2)
Quotes
“… happiness is an “inside job” and not dependent on outer circumstances or other peoples’ response to you. Of course, you will still have ups and downs and emotions of all kinds, but they don’t have you. You don’t identify with them; you let them come and you let them go.” (2)
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” Rumi
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3
I hope this has been helpful. If you want to talk some more about happiness in a coaching or spiritual direction setting CLICK HERECK HERE
FOOTNOTES
(1) A Gentle Path through The Twelve Steps” by Patrick Cairnes PhD, page 31
(2) This section inspired by this article entitled “Emotional Sobriety” https://cac.org/emotional-sobriety-2015-11-19/ by Richard Rohr
